My Child Talks at Home but Not at School. What Should I Do Next?

If your child talks comfortably at home but isn’t speaking at school or in other settings, this pattern is often anxiety-based. Children with selective mutism usually want to speak — they just can’t in the moment.

So what should you do next?

First, take pressure off talking.

Try not to ask:

• “Did you talk today?”

• “Are you going to talk?”

• “Why didn’t you answer?”

Even well-meaning questions can increase anxiety. The more pressure a child feels to speak, the harder it becomes. For now, remove attention from whether or not they spoke.

Second, pause before answering for them.

If someone asks your child a question, give a few extra seconds before stepping in. You’re not forcing them to talk — you’re simply creating space in case they’re able to answer.

Third, start five minutes of one-on-one “special time.”

If you want to actively support your child right away, start here.

Five minutes a day:

• Let your child lead the play

• Avoid asking questions

• Use labeled praise

• Describe what they’re doing

You can use something simple like Play-Doh, Magna-Tiles, drawing, or any activity your child enjoys. This kind of focused, positive attention builds confidence and lowers anxiety, which is the foundation for brave talking later.

Fourth, don’t take a long wait-and-see approach.

If your child is speaking typically at home but not speaking in other settings, it’s worth getting guidance from someone trained in selective mutism. Early support makes treatment much easier. Over time, not speaking can become reinforced, which can make it harder to shift later.

Consider looping in the school.

It can be helpful to let your child’s school know what you’re noticing. You might start by reaching out to the teacher, school counselor, or director of special services to share that your child is speaking comfortably at home but having difficulty speaking at school. Schools can often begin putting supportive strategies in place and, if needed, guide you through next steps such as a 504 plan or further evaluation. Starting the conversation early helps everyone respond in a more supportive and informed way.

I talk with many families in this exact situation, and it’s more common than people realize. I also remember how hard and confusing it felt in the beginning when this was happening with my own child. It can feel isolating and overwhelming, but selective mutism is very treatable. With the right support, many children go on to speak comfortably in the settings that feel hardest right now.

If you’re just starting to learn about selective mutism, you may find this helpful: Understanding Selective Mutism: Recognizing the Signs and Supporting Your Child.